Ask any single person in the 21st century and he or she has probably signed up for any number of smartphone apps, looking for fun or something deeper and more meaningful. We forget that the simplest way to meet someone is to just go outside on a beautiful sunny day, take our dog with us for a walk at the park, and stop at Starbucks for a hot cup of coffee. Plus, imagine if its fall – leaves in all colors falling everywhere, breezy wind and your scarf keeping you warm. And then you meet someone, chat about the weather and poof, there is your soulmate. Sounds a lot more romantic than meeting up with someone you swiped right on their picture on Tinder.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes, in vain to make a human connection and have someone hold us through the night, we take our chances and we go out with the guy who has abs for a profile picture on Tinder. And then things like these stories bellow happen. Cringe-worthy things. However, never give up on love; it’ll all be worth it in the end.
1. Conversation with the cat
“I went on a blind date when I was 16 to dinner and a movie. We went to go see ‘I still know what you did last summer.’ I got peer pressured into taking mushrooms for the first time (Id never done ANY drugs before). I ate them with a few friends that tagged along for dinner. We went to the movies after dinner, just us two. Well, at the beginning of the movie Jennifer Love Hewitt wakes up from a nightmare screaming, I proceeded to scream and run out of the theater.
The rest of the night for me finished in this order: called dad from the payphone and told him I was tripping balls (60s dad, he understood). Stayed in fetal position out front of the theater. Girls dad picks her up with her crying, he kicks me angrily asking what my problem was. Dad picks me up. Dad drives me home while on the way looking at me and moving his mouth without saying anything just to fuck with me. Dad tells me to go to my room and don’t talk to my mom. I have a conversation with my cat and black out.”
2. Wait, what?
“Guy picked me up, drove thru McDonalds & bought a ton of food, drove me to a cemetery & asked me to step on the food.”
3. Oh boy
“The tl;dr of it is I laughed too hard, started coughing, farted, pooped a little. It was a dealbreaker.”
4. Honesty is important in relationships
“Within the first ten minutes he explained, he was born with a tail, had it operated on, but don’t worry he wasn’t incontinent.”
“Spent 30 mins outside a pub next to my ‘date’ who ignored me, then texted, “if that’s u next to me I’ll b really embarrassed”
6. Best night of his life
“He took me (a female) to a gay club, got drunk, came out of the closet, met a guy and gave me $40 to catch a taxi home #truth”
7. Bit forward
“He pulled out his penis in the middle of a full movie theater and asked me to suck it”
“Roommate’s worst first date involved a guy who talked about the color/consistency of his poop the whole time, including dinner”
9. Maybe pizza next time?
“I had never had sushi and I went on a first date to sushi. I tried a piece of her raw salmon and when I felt that little sguiggly piece of cold fish slide down my throat, my stomach workers called for an evacuation of all non-essentials.
I puked and tried to cover it with my hand, sending vomit flying off in different directions, including hers.”
“Ran over her cat… RIP Snickers”