It is illusory to think that any relationship will be solely smooth sailing. However, there is a fundamental difference between a bone of contention and a fight that could truly jeopardize a relationship.
If you are fighting a lot with your partner, it might be a good idea to step back for a second and consider what is it you are fighting over. Most issues can be resolved fairly easily, but there are numerous issues you should never leave unresolved, because if you do, the problems you think you are avoiding will only come back bigger. Read up about twelve things you always need to know where you stand on.
1. What counts as cheating?
Мany people have differing opinions on what constitutes as cheating. Some believe even a lusty thought can count as cheating, whereas some believe that sex is the key factor in regards to infidelity. If this boundary is not set, or agreed upon, your relationship might quickly turn sour.
2. How do you spend your money?
Do you like to save up, or do you go wild on payday, and suffer for the last week of the month? These are all important questions to discuss with your partner. Money handling differs greatly from person to person, and the lack of a consensus could cause problems further down the line.
3. Lifestyle choices
Do you enjoy wild weekend parties? If you do but your partner doesn’t share your enthusiasm – or the other way round – you might hit a wall sooner rather than later. If neither of you is willing to compromise, you may end up resenting the other for not spending quality time together.
4. Family time
It makes everything easier if you like each other’s families, but this might not be the case. If you enjoy spending time with your family, you would hope that your partner would support this and join in with family activities, but if there’s reluctance on his/her behalf, this is something you would need to discuss.
5. Communication is key
What is your preffered method of communication? Some talk, while others find it easier to put their feelings down on paper. If you and your partner have different communication styles, it may be harder to resolve important relationship issues.
6. Lack of effort
Every successful relationship needs the time and effort of both parties in order to function. If one person isn’t pulling their weight, it is only a matter of time before problems emerge. If someone takes their relationship for granted, it might be time to talk.
7. Sexual compatibility
Sex is an important part of any relationship. That’s why it’s very important to be on the same page when it comes to sexual likes, dislikes, do’s and dont’s. If you are incompatible on this front it is bound to leave one or both parties unsatisfied, and that increases the likelihood of trouble.
8. Comparison with previous relationships
Theodore Roosevelt once said that “comparison is the thief of joy”. Like in any other life segment, if you’re constantly comparing yourself to your partner’s old flame, you are achieving nothing while doing lots of damage both to yourself and your relationship. Not only will you feed your insecurities, it may also cause anxieties on your partner’s behalf.
Being able to let go and move on is an important ingredient of happiness. If you cannot let something go, it may come back to haunt you sooner or later. It is important to let issues from the past go, because resentments build up easily and will surface when you least expect them to.
10. Defining the relationship
Both you and your boyfriend/girlfriend have to be on the same page when it comes to your commitment to each other. Are you exclusive? Or you might be expecting an open relationship? Make sure this is clarified – that way you will minimize the risk of running into problems.
11. Avoiding fights
No one enjoys conflict, but as an inevitable component of life, it is important to pick your fights wisely. Bottle up your emotions might be a strategy worth revising. It highlights a lack of desire to communicate with your partner, and sweeping problems under the carpet might result in a gap opening up between the two of you, or those emotions resurfacing to be manifested through even bigger conflicts compared to the ones you were avoiding in the first place.
12. Expanding the family
The issue of children is always delicate, especially if your relationship is still new. If your stances differ on this issue, the more time passes, the chances of conflict and disappointment will grow exponentially. If the person you’re with does not envisage children in their future while you do – or the other way round – you may need to reconsider your relationship.