For some mysterious reason, Taylor Swift keeps attracting weird rumors. The conspiracy theories range from her being a clone of a Satanic cult leader, all the way to being a member of the Illuminati and having a secret twin in Japan. As always, these theories make little sense when put under scrutiny, but they have nonetheless captured the attention of the public. Well… Of one weird part of the public, because not everyone believes this crap.
But what motivates these doubts? Why would people even bother inventing, or guessing, or theorizing about the background of Swift? One reason might be that her biography is very straightforward – almost too straightforward. She was born on December 13, 1989, in Pennsylvania, then moved to Nashville when she was 14 to become a country star. In 2005, she was signed to a contract and became Sony’s youngest ever artist. Soon she moved into pop and became rich and popular overnight.
See? Notice anything suspicious about that…? Well, it’s too perfect, isn’t it? Basically, Taylor’s rise to fame, her success, is fairytale material. Logically, some people find this so unbelievable and suspect in today’s cynical world, so they turn to fabricating malicious reasons behind her success. It’s not the first time I’ve thought there is a jaded, nihilistic cynic sitting inside every conspiracy theorist, but Taylor’s case kinda proves it.
Still, the cuckoo theories have their entertainment value (thanks Ranker!) and some of them never cease to amaze. So let’s take a tour through some of the craziest conspiracy theories surrounding Taylor Swift.
Protective goggles? On. Scalpel? Poised. Let’s cut into the crazy, shall we… All in the name of science.
1. Apparently, her relationship with Tom Hiddleston was a publicity stunt
Photo: @DailyMailCeleb/via Twitter
After she broke up with fellow musician sweetheart Calvin Harris back in 2016, naturally, Swift wasn’t herself. No one is. Soon, negative rumors began to circulate, and soon after she was seen dating actor Tom Hiddleston. And… Well, for some reason, the conspiracy theory coo-coos came to the conclusion that the singer ‘faked’ the entire relationship, for the sole reason to market herself in a positive light. I don’t know, man…
2. Swift’s open letter to Apple was another marketing ploy
Now, this one is no less cynical but more palatable. Apparently, when she wrote that “open letter” to Apple back in 2015, complaining about Apple Music’s artist compensation model, she did so only to advertise her (then as yet unreleased) album called 1989. So far, nothing strikes me as out of the ordinary – what other motives could a musician possibly have other than promoting their own work? Isn’t this normal behavior for musicians? Dunno.
Conspiracy theorists see the proof for this because shortly after Apple caved in (under her pressure), Swift began appearing in their ads. Which… Is what stars do. What should have Swift done, entered a blood feud with Apple or something? Scratching my head here.
3. Taylor Swift is the Illuminati
Photo: @TSwiftLA/via Twitter
In 2009, Swift made the colossal mistake of telling MTV why her favorite number is 13:
“I was born on the 13th. I turned 13 on Friday the 13th. My first album went gold in 13 weeks. My first #1 song had a 13-second intro. Every time I’ve won an award I’ve been seated in either the 13th seat, the 13th row, the 13th section or row M, which is the 13th letter… Basically, whenever a 13 comes up in my life, it’s a good thing.”
Apparently, knowing basic maths, dabbling in numerology and noticing odd patterns now makes you part of the Illuminati. You know what? I’m part of the Illuminati too. I also love eyes. Did I tell you I’m a cat person too? Whenever you see a black cat crossing your path – it’s mine.
4. She is the secret clone of a former Satanic cult leader
There’s this thing called the Church of Satan. You know, according to law, you can have your own religion, even if it revolves around ritualized baking of cupcakes. So anyhow, back from 1985 to 1990, a woman called Zeena Schreck was the High Priestess of the aforementioned “Church.” But regrettably, for Taylor Swift, Zeena looks quite like her, which is apparently enough for some people to start imagining things. Oh, two persons look alike? They MUST be a clone! I mean, half of you resemble your pets, which makes me wonder…
5. She’s dissing Kanye’s dead mother with Reputation’s release date
Of course, after we established that Taylor is Illuminati’s cloned Satanist leader, it makes sense that she would be so mean to give Kanye a hard time over his mother’s death. Apparently, the release date (November 10, 2017) coincides with the 10th anniversary of when Kanye’s mother died. The evil accusations got so far out of hand that Taylor Swift’s own music label had to make a public announcement, stating that the date was: “based on other Universal Music Group releases. There is no correlation.”
6. Taylor is an active 4Chan user and internet troll
A user on 4Chan, the famous troll site, had a cat named Meredith. Taylor Swift’s cat is also named Meredith… (Dramatic music playing.) Coincidence? I think not!
7. Every purse she ever wore was empty
This one came from Vanity Fair themselves, who looked at some photos, and theorized that her purses don’t press on her hand hard enough for the purses to be filled. Logically, the purses must be empty. Or Taylor just doesn’t carry much junk in her purses? I don’t know.
8. The VMAs shenanigans with Kanye West were staged
Remember when in 2009 Kanye walked on the stage and ranted against Swift’s VMA acceptance speech? According to him, the award should’ve gone to his wife Beyonce (yeah, very objective there, Kanye). But anyways, this got everyone shocked, and the conspiracy theorists – thinking hard. They insist it was staged, which, if we look at how the Swift-Kanye-Kardashian feud fueled the popularity of everyone involved, isn’t that far from the mind.
9. Her legs insurance? $40 million
Photo: GabboT/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY-SA 2.0
Back in 2015, TMZ reported the fact (or rumor) that “Swift and her team explored the possibility of insuring her legs against possible injury and learned they were valued at $40 million.” No one knows if it’s true, but in the spirit of military diversionary tactics, Swift joked with an Instagram post, in which she scolded her cat for scratching her precious legs.
10. She is secretly gay
Photo: impressedbytaylor/via Tumblr
Maybe she is, maybe she’s not. Who cares?
11. Her original name is Becky
Photo: GabboT/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY-SA 2.0
Someone called Yallarebrutalizingme uploaded a picture on Tumblr, showing Swift in high school in 2012. The user further explained that Taylor was their friend called “Becky,” who – wait for it – had died at a party when she overdosed by “snorting marijuana.” Okay.
12. How can she possibly be human but have no belly button?!
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
Ah, the fashion of those high pants. Swift initially trolled everyone when she refused to comment on the existence of her belly button, but finally revealed the truth in an Instagram post.
13. She has an evil twin who’s living in Japan
A Japanese McDonald’s commercial featuring someone similar to Swift? Check.
Swift eating a cheeseburger 4 years later? Check.
BOOM! Taylor Swift must have a twin sister who she exiled to Japan!
14. Her song Wildest Dreams is about Zac Efron
Swift takes a photo with Zac. Years later, she makes a video where one of the guys is dressed similarly to Zac. Conclusion: IT MUST BE BECAUSE SHE’S SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH HIM.