OK folks so you’ve clicked on the link you’re probably in a preemptive or post break up phase. And that word, ‘phase’ was highlighted on purpose as its important to remember it is indeed just a phase…as in what you’re feeling now doesn’t last forever, you will get over it. But while you are in this break up juncture you can do some things for yourself to give yourself some perspective and come out the other end a happier person with a better understanding of you are and what you need.
- Identify with your feelings
It doesn’t take a genius to recognize that if being in love is the best feeling in the world, then a breakup can obviously bring up some of the worst feelings. Allow yourself to feel sad, even if you were the person who called it a day, a certain part of your life is ending and that is sad. You have to deal with it in you own time, but you also need to put a time limit on it. Cry, shout, leave parties if you feel uncomfortable, do all this stuff in places you know you can act out with people who understand what you are going through. Charlotte, the classy one from Sex and The City deems that you should mourn the relationship for the length of the time you were in it, depending on the length that may seem a bit extreme but do give yourself time to be sad.
2. Ceremoniously mark the end of your relationship
It’s dead. Have a funeral. This allows you to experience some kind of closure and then start moving on. Invite your friends, say a few words and bury or burn something (safely) that reminds you of the relationship. It can really be quite cathartic, especially if you can have a laugh about it…maybe involve some alcohol and make it a party.
3. Delete the ex from all social media and all devices
Depending on how active you are with facebook, twitter, instagram, linkedin and other social spaces, take a few hours and unfriend, unfollow, unlike etc…It’s much easier to move on and put yourself back together if they are not popping into your newsfeed every five minutes or receiving notifications when they’ve got a new high score on some fb application. Do it. It will be tough, you may cry, revert back to item 1, it is ok to cry. Delete them! Delete them from your phonebook too, and all message threads…this should help you with the itch to get in touch late at night after a few beers.
4. Netflix and Chill on your own.
If ye were the type of couple to share everything like netflix, spotify, department store accounts, this will take some time, but in the end, having your own damn spotify account or clubcards solidifies your independence and gives you back some of your identity that was buried in coupledom. Empowering stuff!
5. Satisfy your own sexual needs.
One thing you’re sure to miss is the sex, but that doesn’t mean you now have to be celibate that you’re single. Before you’re ready to get back on that dating horse again explore your sexuality by yourself. Buy some toys and play around. Gratify yourself and only yourself. Watch the porn you like, shave your pubic hair or not, join a kinky class, flirt. Know your own body better than anybody before you share it again.
6. Do what you want
Being in a relationship is like being in a big puddle of compromise, which can be lovely, but when you are not in one, you no longer have to compromise, you don’t have to think about anyone but yourself. Eat your dinner whenever your hungry, watch whatever shitty tv series makes you smile and come back at whatever time of night you feel like. You answer to no one. Enjoy that. It’s fun!
7. Go outside
In the beginning this may seem unfathomable but eventually you do have to join the real world again. And when you do please be warned, even though you world has fallen apart, the rest of the world has not, so don’t be shocked to see kids playing, friends chatting, dogs barking and life doing normal life things. Rejoin this world. Go outside, go for a coffee, go for a walk in the part, visit a museum, go on a bike ride, help your folks with something. It’ll be hard but it’ll feel good!
8. Give your friends some extra roles
Being in a relationship means there are certain things that you do together, such as going to the cinema, salsa classes, eating at a particular restaurant. Being out of a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t do these things, you just need to find someone else to do them with. Good friends will always want to help you in the bad times and if you tell them what they can do they should be more than happy to fill out the roles that were normally filled by the ex. Being single does not mean you have to feel alone, lean on your friends. Now sex may be a different story but for those needs revert back to item 5.
9. Ensure you’re ready before taking the plunge again
While being single might be daunting for some. It’s a good idea to feel happy in yourself and with yourself before starting another relationship. If you don’t take the time to get over one and learn the lessons you need to, you may be risk of making similar mistakes again or not knowing yourself well enough to give yourself fully to the new relationship.
Anyways we wish you luck and remember you will not feel this way forever it is a phase. not the nicest phase you’ll ever be in but it’s still a phase and it will pass.