The Biggest Loser winner, Ali Vincent amazed viewers and her trainer Jillian Michaels, when she lost nearly half her body weight back in 2008. That success made her the first female to win weight loss competition show, The Biggest Loser. She lost 112 lbs. Now, the 41-year old reveals to the world that she has regained almost all of the 112 lbs, she worked so hard to lose on the show. The reality star is now determined to slim down once again.
“I swore I would never be there again, be here again,” she posted on Facebook.
Ali says that she couldn’t imagine a day that she would weigh over 200lbs again. The Biggest Loser star felt ashamed, embarrassed, overwhelmed. She added that she also feels like a failure. Vincent admits she’s had a hard year. She tells that she was a victim of a sexual assault while getting a massage. She believes that this incident is probably the reason why she gained back her weight.
“I’ve realized, over the last year, as I’ve gained this weight, it was so much of my life slowed down, that a lot of stuff came up that I just hadn’t dealt with,” she said.
The reality star is already taking action to lose her weight by joining Weight Watchers. However, she is still struggling with the emotional aspects of her weight gain.
“The Biggest Loser gave me the opportunity to believe in myself and I don’t know that I ever really did,” Vincent says on Monday’s episode of T.D. Jakes. “Everybody wanted me to and I wanted to for them, and I had results to prove it. But do I really deserve to have everything that I dream of? Do I deserve to have this happiness?”
She also admits that she hopes she will be able to get over her past and her problems. And, focus on becoming the best version of herself that she can be.
“I know that there’s stuff that I have to deal with, and I know that it goes back way far, but then I also know that I’m 41 years old — when am I going to own my own stuff?” she says. “When can I just let go?”
This article originally appeared on People.com.