I love my cat. Even though he’s a little bit of a jerk. They can be a pain sometimes, they can bite, they can be annoying, but we love them and we love to cuddle with them, and possibly even squeeze their cheeks into oblivion.
But, have you ever wondered “What would my cat say if he/she could speak English?”. You know, human language, like in the movies! Well, according to Bored Panda, your cat might just write a letter telling you about things that you should do to comply to its requests. But for you non-cat owners out there, don’t get discouraged by this “letter”, cats, as we said before, can be a little bit of a pain, but they’re fun to own no matter what.
More info: thingsinsquares.com (h/t: cheezburger)
So, let’s take a look at this letter and see if we can comply to our cat’s demands
Yes, this is one thing you need to know
There may be three tiny pellets, but the cat sees it as one giant mount of poop.
Okay, now I’m starting to see where your demands are going
If I’m honest, I’m not a big fan.
Look, let me explain something
First of all, this is really impractical, and second, you’ll crap everywhere. So I’m afraid this is unfulfillable.
I’m guilty of mixing dry food with wet food
My cat seems fine with it, but if this is what really goes on, then guess it’s time to change it up.
If we lived in a world where all cats had demands like this
We’d need a pretty well-paid job, as some people can barely afford KFC for lunch let alone honey-seared salmon for their cat.
While households where there’s both a cat and a dog are getting rarer
This cat still demands the dog to be permanently removed.
As if only wet food wasn’t enough
He would also require access to the fish.
Kneading needs to be done
Needs need to be satisfied.
Maybe even try a little bit while you’re at it
Now this is a real gift
Catnip is also a requirement
And no, your cat won’t look like this.
This is actually very true
Stroking from head to tail is the best way to get your cat interested. Or just light scratching when he’s almost asleep. But the rest will result in gentle nibbling.
Just wait till you see what the plant yells when he gets knocked over
He could show up next to you waiting for some human food while your back is turned
He’ll throw up and get diarrhea or something like that
But he’ll enjoy the meal, and that’s what matters.
And you must not interfere with this
Sometimes they’ll insist on sleeping on your face
Because… why wouldn’t they?
When your cat falls asleep on you, you may not move
And that’s the letter your cat would write if he could speak English and knew how to spell. Ready to comply to their demands?