You know? As icky as this is, everyone should read it and take better care of their ears. Because we should be grateful to our ears – and a little care goes a long way.
Because if we DON’T… Boy oh boy, do ears get NASTY when we don’t treat them properly. Believe me, their revenge is not a dish served cold – it’s more like something taken out of H. R. Giger’s nightmares, which was too ghastly and terrifying to be ever included in film. Better close your eyes now because…
Here’s a glimpse of the cosmic terror!
That moved you to some ACTION? GOOD.
These horrors, finding themselves shunned by art, decided to inhabit our reality. And ears… Ears are good guys. They basically never say no – they listen to EVERYTHING. So the nasties got in. Poor, poor ears.
Well, today we’re taking the flamethrower and dishing out some sweet revenge at all the demons that plague our fine ears! As Ripley said it the best in Aliens: “Nuke the site from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.”
But first, a basic anatomy lesson (thanks, AuntyAcid):
In order to ID the nasties, the color of earwax on your q-tip is crucial:
Color, texture, amount, shape… All are important in diagnosing your ear problem. Or, the ear-demon in question (there’s nine circles you know, all that shtick). Or if you’re more of a sci-fi buff, these properties will tell you what kind of ALIEN has nested inside your ear. (Okay, damn, I’m toning it down. Yuck!)
So, let’s begin. Lock and load, marines!
1. Grey earwax
Best case scenario: it’s just a bit of dust in your ear. Worst case scenario: you live in a very polluted area.
At any rate, a grey-ish earwax indicates no known health problems.and you are experiencing no other symptoms, then there is nothing to worry about.
2. Bloody earwax
Oops. This can mean that your eardrum is damaged, or even perforated. How’s your hearing? Experiencing any pain? On the other hand, it also means that your ears are now prey to infections, which can damage your hearing severely. Go to the doctor ASAP!
3. Brown, chocolate-colored, muddy earwax
While it looks hella nasty, it just indicates you’ve gone through a lot of stress lately. So, best stop looking at these pictures and take a nap, buddy.
4. Black earwax
On its own, black earwax shouldn’t worry you, because it’s probably nothing. BUT, if you experience itching, you should probably visit a doctor, because it can mean you have a fungal infection.
5. White earwax
Now, while all the nasty colors aren’t pleasant to look at, white, necessarily, doesn’t have to mean everything is OK. White color can mean that you should eat more vitamins, and minerals, especially iron and copper. So, find out which foods contain these, and start munching.
6. Stinky earwax
If you smell your earwax (I know, I know, but just do it), and it has a very strong, unpleasant smell, it could indicate that you are suffering from an ear infection. The occasional strange noise in your ear or popping sounds would also confirm that.
7. When your earwax isn’t wax… But a foam or a liquid.
The less time we spend hanging around this image, the better. In short, it indicates an ear inflammation. See a doctor god damn it!
8. Very dry earwax
If your earwax is dry, then this can mean that you’re lacking fats (specifically lean fats), but it can also indicate skin infection or some other skin condition or a disease. I don’t have to tell you that you should see your doctor ASAP, right?
* This information is meant to supplement, not replace advice from your doctor or healthcare provider and is not meant to cover all possible uses, precautions, interactions or adverse effects. This information may not fit your specific health circumstances.