“We accept the love we think we deserve,” we have heard people saying. The famous quote by Stephen Chbosky has been making its way all around the world ever since it was first uttered (written). There must be some truth in the things that the majority of people seem to like, I believe. We are often keen on staying in relationships that seem to be toxic. We might even settle for a relationship we’re not sure we want. Sometimes, we tend to be insecure, skeptical when it comes to commitment. However, let’s get down to the very core of the problem:
People are social creatures, you hear them say. And it seems to make sense because you were never really a fan of loneliness and solitude. But, there are days when you get such great joy in being alone that you’re not really sure what you want to do and who you want to be. We all get those days when the sun doesn’t shine as bright and confusion starts settling in. In this vast universe, there are a gazillion unanswered questions, but you wonder, is there a person who wants to be beside you, through thick and thin? What really is love? Do soulmates exist or is love merely the ‘result of a chance encounter’? Could the couples that you see every day be loving someone else instead, if only they had met them sooner?
There are just so many questions that seem to have found a home in your mind and can’t find their way out. But don’t worry, life will find a way. All that matters is that you carry on and do not give up. Whatever you are looking for will find a way to come to you, maybe not in the same exact shape and form that you thought it would, but it will. Remember, every no, is a yes somewhere else.
If there’s one thing I want you to believe in, is the fact that you should first start loving yourself, being comfortable with yourself before you enter a relationship. You should find joy in being alone, you should shape yourself and figure out your hobbies. In no way, I am saying that being in a relationship won’t allow you to do that. However, I am saying that two people in a relationship must first be individuals who seem to have found a liking in each other’s company and intend to share their daily lives together.
Finding love is beautiful. Finding a person who loves you just the way you are is extraordinary. Having a partner that you can go to, whenever you feel down is comforting and delightful. If you haven’t yet found that person, don’t stress yourself. There isn’t a deadline you have to meet. That person could be anywhere and anyone – what matters is that you stay yourself, unfiltered, in everyday life.
Find something you love and commit to it, follow your passions, be free and allow yourself to meet new people. I always believed that you create your own destiny. Love won’t find you if you lock yourself into your room. Your goals won’t be achieved if you don’t move an inch to reach them. No one is going to know you if you don’t introduce yourself. You don’t have to tell people who you are, they will find out through your work, the way you walk your talk, and the way you commit to what you want to do and actually do it.
If you ever find yourself feeling lonely or unloved, remember: you are not the only one. We all feel lonely or even unloved from time to time. But it’s the way you feed those thoughts that determines the way you react to your thoughts. In the moments you feel down, allow yourself to feel with all capacity. But after some time has passed, get up, and work on yourself, who you want to be, and what you want to do.
Love will find you and you will find love. And whenever that happens, keep in mind that love is not a walk in the park. Love also takes commitment and hard work. It takes two people who are willing to make things work. Two people who have the same thing in mind and are working both separately and together in order to make that thing happen. No matter what your goal may be – when you enter a relationship you should first have your own opinions, and your partner has to be someone who encourages and values those opinions but has their own as well.
When you become two – do not forget to also be one. To be an individual. To be the person you can’t live without: yourself. To nurture your own happiness and to nurture the happiness of your partner as well. I always think about this one saying that circles around the internet: Relationships are not always 50/50. Sometimes your partner is feeling a 20 and you have to take it in and offer 80 that day. BUT, your partner should also be willing to do the same for you.
Try to find yourself and then love will find you as well. Follow your passions, visit the places you love the most, explore, and rest in your hiding place. Who knows, maybe love has the same hiding place as you, it may be a theater, a coffee shop, a bookstore, or even the museum. You never know.