Would You Recognize Verbal Abuse? If Not, Here’s What You Need To Know
There are many forms of abuse, all of which are not physical. Verbal abuse is one of them, and it’s slightly more difficult to detect. People have been verbally abused without even being aware of it, claiming they would know when they’re being abused.
Tonic says there are people who didn’t know they were being abused until they started therapy. This is partly because abusers are very good at masking their behavior, according to Elite Daily, and considering that the abuse is not physical, people, especially women, assume that it’s a normal argument between partners. In particular, it may seem totally normal for people who have experienced verbal abuse as a child.
There are signs that help you identify whether you are having healthy arguments or you are in a verbally abusive relationship/ marriage. If your partner is constantly yelling, calling you names, criticizing, and even threatening you, that is definitely verbal abuse. Let’s look at these in more detail.
Manipulation – This is a technique abusers use to control their partners, oftentimes turning the situation and blaming the victim. For example, saying: “If you loved me you wouldn’t do that!” This confuses the abused partners, making them think they are to blame.
The silent treatment – Abuse is not only when they verbally attack you, but it’s also when abusers withhold and ignore their partners to punish them when things don’t go their way. They walk away from arguments, leaving their partners confused and in pain.
Accusation – A typical jealous person using phrases such as “Why won’t you do this if you’ve nothing to hide?!” to scare and confuse their partner, making them wonder whether they’re doing something wrong. You should never forget that their behavior has nothing to do with you.
“Joking” – Abusive people use this method to belittle and offend their partner by making jokes at their expense. It’s more a way to attack and control you with sarcastic comments, rather than a joke.
Chances are, you’re still in denial after having experienced all of these signs. While this shouldn’t happen, oftentimes the abused victim ignores the abusive patterns because of love and tries to make excuses for this behavior. Remember, you’re not helping yourself by doing this, you’ll only encourage his/her abusive behavior. Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker, on her article “Signs you’re being abused: Part II”, suggests you follow a few steps if you’re stuck in a verbally abusive relationship.
Set limits – Tell your partner that you won’t tolerate abuse, and know your worth. If you’re arguing, tell them to stop the conversation, and if they don’t, calmly leave the room and say you’re giving them space to reflect on his behavior.
You can’t change them – It’s a waste of time staying in a verbally abusive relationship hoping your partner will change in time. They won’t! They might seek therapy, couples therapy even (if you think you can save your relationship), but most of the time their abusive behavior is due to the abuse being ingrained in them.
Take care of yourself – Dealing with an abusive partner is emotionally exhausting and affects your health. Make sure to eat healthy food, surround yourself with people who love and support you, start a new hobby, and most importantly, know your worth.
Learn about abusive relationships – Read so you can know more about the situation you’re in and stop blaming yourself for the abuse. Your partner’s behavior has to do with them, not you. Make sure not to lose perspective of the situation by saying you’re imagining things, the abuse is real and you can start making a change by seeking professional help.
Have a safety plan – The National Domestic Violence Hotline suggest you have a safety plan. While your relationship is verbally abusive, it can quickly escalate in physical violence.
Leave your marriage – Cathy Meyer says if nothing else works, leave. Your partner refuses to respond to the abuse, setting limits doesn’t work and therapy doesn’t help – it’s time to consider divorce. A toxic relationship will leave you worn out and emotionally damaged. It’s not worth it!
According to Verywell Mind, verbal abuse victims can go through a lot of issues like depression, anxiety, PTSD. Especially children who have been verbally abused by their parents or peers at school, they are more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety when they grow up. Not to mention how much it damages a person’s self-esteem by constantly hearing negative comments coming from abusive partners.
Words sometimes can do more damage than any physical harm. Unfortunately, if you open a case against someone for verbally abusing you, you must convince the lawyer ‘the injuries to feelings are extensive and enough for them to pursue the issue,’ according to Legal Resources.
Many elements should be considered for a verbal assault claim. In a lot of states, you can’t file a claim for verbal assault if that’s the only ‘crime’ committed, meaning there should be another criminal activity in order to file the claim. These states do not recognize the verbal assault even if you have a lawyer. Not all the words used during the verbal attack can be considered grounds for verbal assault. Words that humiliate the subject are considered offensive and, of course, threats, because the subject might feel he/she is in danger.
Patricia Evans, an Interpersonal Communications Specialist, claims that the only reason some verbal abusers don’t use physical violence is that they know they’ll end up to jail. Instead, they use the aforementioned methods to control their partners. You should never put up with this and never, ever stay with an abusive partner hoping they will change.
You might also want to read: 10 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In A Relationship